Dear Brad,
I’m Daryl Tan from your Effective Communication SIE 2016 Group 5. The purpose of this letter is to briefly introduce myself, my educational background, goals in SIT and aims for future.
Previously I studied at ITE College West under the course Mechatronics Engineering, where I got to learn both mechanical and electronics, and graduated with a Higher NITEC certificate. After which I continued my studies at Republic Polytechnic and graduated with a diploma in Industrial and Operations Management. Both of which are very different as in ITE, it would be more hands on, sawing and drilling, making circuit board whereas in Polytechnic I learn more about operation planning, distribution and transportation and more. In Republic Polytechnic, it has a unique style of teaching where we are required to present a PowerPoint of what we’ve learnt and done daily in teams as well as a daily reflection.
My interests would include spending time with my family, hanging out, cycling, playing bowling, watching movies; and puzzle games like Sudoku and Monument Valley. Family is always important and being able to spend time with them is always a blessing My family has always been important to me, and being able to spend time with them is a blessing. As for puzzle games, it helps to improve problem- solving skills and keeps the mind active.
My goals for studying in this SIT Programme are to strengthen my communication skill, improve the technical skills I had learned, learn other skills expertise, and most importantly things I can be specialized in which will aid me for my future career. I’ll be eagerly anticipating for any chance to work in a well-established organization, such as Land Transport Authority (LTA), where I can utilise my skills to improve the needs of others and help to make a better future.
Lastly, thank you for taking some time out to read this email and I’m looking forward to more of your lesson as I learn more ways to improve my communication skill!
Sincerely,
Daryl Tan
Revised on Sunday, 18/09/2016.
Revised on Sunday, 18/09/2016.
Hi, Daryl!
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting so much effort into writing such a detailed and well formatted introductory letter. It’s good to hear that you cherish your family time together and indeed, in my opinion, family are the ones that will always be there for you.
There are a few minor problems in this letter, and you may consider looking through my comments. Let us learn English together!
1.” improve the technical skills I had learned, learn other skills,” >>> The word learn appears repeatedly in this text. Consider using a synonym in its place.
2.” and most importantly things I can specialized in which will aid me for my future career” >>> this sentence is rather confusing, consider rephrasing it.
3.” Family is always important and being able to spend time with them is always a blessing” >>> Consider rephrasing it to: My family has always been important to me, and being able to spend time with them is such a blessing.
Despite minor problems, I enjoyed reading your introduction.
Warmest Regards,
clf
Thank you, Daryl, for this highly detailed letter. It seems quite well crafted, and you have certainly covered the various topic areas outlined in the assignment.
ReplyDeleteThere are quite a few language areas that need review:
1) After which I continued my studies at Republic Polytechnic and graduated with a diploma in Industrial and Operations Management. >>>
After that, I continued my studies at Republic Polytechnic and graduated with a diploma in Industrial and Operations Management.
2) Both of which are very different as in ITE, it would be more hands on, sawing and drilling, making circuit board whereas in Polytechnic I **learn** more about operation planning, distribution and transportation and more. >>> (sentence structure errors / verb tense)
3) In Republic Polytechnic, it has a unique style of teaching where we are required to present a PowerPoint of what we’ve learnt and done daily in teams as well as a daily reflection.
>>>
Republic Polytechnic has
4) My interests would include spending time with my family, hanging out, cycling, playing bowling, watching movies; and puzzle games like Sudoku and Monument Valley. >>>
My interests include spending time with my family, hanging out, cycling, playing bowling, watching movies and doing puzzle games like Sudoku and Monument Valley.
5) Family is always important and being able to spend time with them is always a blessing. >>> YES
6) My goals for studying in this SIT Programme are to strengthen my communication skill, improve the technical skills I had learned, learn other skills expertise, and most importantly X?X things I can be specialized in which will aid me for my future career. >>> lack parallelism (in the last element